PTSD controls lives, even to the point the torment is so bad we feel the better option is to take our own lives. There is no sugar coating it, no saying och we felt a bit down so thought about suicide. Anyone with depression so bad it gets to the point where we believe those around us would be better off if we where not here… permanently.
Everyone hates the word suicide and even talking about it, off course there are the people out there who will say it’s just a cry for attention, when a person tells someone they are feeling suicidal, but very rarely that’s the words they use, the suicidal person may say, x, y or z will be better off without me, or better off if I wasn’t here (which most people would think that person is going to do a runner from there responsibilities and/or leave the family home) if only that was the truth. Then you have the other side of suicide where a person completes it, and therefore kills themselves, if I had a quid for everytime I heard someone call them selfish, let’s just say I would be off to Disney world, but hey, guess what! My hands are up, yip I have even said and thought in the past, attention seeker/selfish git. Well that would be until my own time came, I won’t say I tried and failed, even though I am still here today, I tried, I was by all accounts walking towards the bright light at the end of the tunnel, someone only went and found me and called 999, well 3 days in a coma and a further 10 days in hospital, you would think I would have learned my lesson.
Since then I have gone on to have my daughter, hey you would think, life is great, you have a man who loves you and a beautiful daughter. For a while it was, more good days than bad. My worst days i have to say is when my man (who has a short temper) looses it, I have learned to deal with it, walk away, give him the silent treatment, but now I over think things, how will it effect my daughter, yip back down I go for days or weeks on end. Let me just say here I don’t just hit a low because of his temper, other things can trigger it. Would you believe comic relief set me off last month, sitting there watching the stories, I was fine, then omg they go and show a baby dying in Africa and being wheeled off, i sat froze staring at the tv, did they just show that, possibly the worst trigger for me and sending me hurtling back to my time in Angola, seeing babies and children blown up by landmines, and lying dead under these sheets on trolleys. What a cruel cruel world we live in.
There are many different symptoms to ptsd, but for now I have choose to discuss the suicidal side of it.
How often have I heard from a family or loved one when they say, “I didn’t know it had got that bad” “why didn’t they talk to me” and even “if he/she cared about me they wouldn’t have done it”.
Sometimes there are signs and sometimes there are not, did u know 1 in 4 people think of suicide, 1 in 20 make a plan for it, weather that be they get medication and alcohol together, right a letter to a loved one explaining their reasons, 1 in 50 set a date, believe it or not this is the stage when u will see a suicidal person start to act normal, ie pay overdue bills, sort out finances etc etc because it is at this stage that suicidal person has found peace within themselves and what they are about to do, 1 in 100 people complete a suicide weather it be an attempt and they are caught or they go onto die. Through my own experience and off course education, weather it be going along to talks about suicide or even knowing a person who has tried, or a family member who’s partner or child has completed a suicide.
Its a damn hard subject to talk about, and even harder to say the word to a person or loved one if you think they are suicidal. It has taken me a long time, but I have even asked worked colleagues that question “are you suicidal”. Damn that question will get one of two reactions, the person will look at you and ask if, “are you daft,” then they will brush it off with laughter, or they will look at you and eventually say “Yes”. Whatever you do, don’t freak out, don’t remind them of what they have to loose, trust me they are already thinking that themselves and that could be the reason why they are still here, support them, help them, get to the root of the problem (although this may take a while) and above all listen to them.
Thanks xx love and hugs xxx C xxx